76 Things Not To Do

Forgotten where this came from. I

76 Things not to do When Writing a Screenplay
1. Don't put your name, address and phone number on the title page.
2. Don't do your homework when choosing a title.
3. Add subtitles below the screenplay's title.
4. Use ³Screenplay by² on a spec script instead of ³Written by.²
5. Add a copyright symbol or WGA registration number on the title page.(This shows 'em you know how the big boys do it - only they don't do it on the title page, or in the header or footer either.)
6. Put the name of a production company on the title page when thescript has not been purchased. (Overconfidence does not win you brownie points.)
7. Write ³First Draft² on the Title Page.
8. Include synopsis, photographs, reviews and/or coverage with yourscreenplay.
9. Provide a list of cast of characters. Even better, tell 'em whichactor should play each role.
10. Center Character Names on the page.
11. Hyphenate dialog.
12. Line up transitions flush right on the page.
13. Triple space instead of double space between scenes.
14. Justify right hand margins.
15. Forget to add (MORE) when carrying dialog over from one page tothe next.
16. Use (CONTINUED) at the top and bottom of each page.
17. Number the scenes.
18. Number the pages somewhere other than the top right hand corner ofthe page and forget to add a period after the number so that it will easily be confused with the scene numbers later when the studio goes into prepro (if you're lucky enough to have the script purchased).
19. Put the names of characters appearing in the scene in the slugline.
20. Don't tell the reader where the scene is taking place.
21. Liberally sprinkle your screenplay with inventive transitions suchas: SMASH CUT TO:.
22. Use ³CUT TO:² every time you specify a different shot. (BillGoldman can get away with this. You can't.)
23. Do the editor's job by using a plethora of sluglines during aphone conversation when both parties are seen and heard. This also applies to action scenes such as car chases.
24. Use ³ANGLE ON² and ³CLOSE UP² liberally. Directors and Editorslove the help.
25. Describe montages with a lack of clarity. (Confusion results ingreat art.)
26. Sound like a Batman comic by loading descriptive passages withcool words like ³WE HEAR BREATHING? erratic, heavy, strained. AND FOOTSTEPS? unsteady footsteps scuffling across moist and mushy terrain. SCUFFLE, SLOSH, SCUFFLE, SLOSH. Every now and then, the labored breaths become a GROAN. Slowly the BLACKNESS?² You get the idea.
27. Go wild with exclamation marks!, CAPITAL LETTERS, underlines, andonomatopoeia like BOOM!.
28. Tell the actors how to deliver your wonderful lines at everyopportunity via description and/or parentheticals. Actors love to be told how to communicate with the audience.
29. Interpret every line of dialog so that the dumb readers,directors, producers and actors will get it.
30. Include the obvious in parentheticals.
31. Use ³(beat)² when you want the actor to take a pause. Even thoughthis doesn't exist, that's okay. Everyone knows what you mean.
32. Confuse ³VOICEOVER (V.O.)² with ³OFF SCREEN (O.S.)² or ³OFF CAMERA(O.C.).² Keep 'em guessing.
33. Overuse the audience-point-of-view shtick by becoming overly fondof the royal ³We.²
34. Write action or description in first person singular. (i.e. ³I seea ribbon of black asphalt under an azure sky. I see a motorcycle in the distance.²)
35. Tell the Composer which music to use and where.
36. Show off how much you learned in film school by indicating when aspecial visual effect is to happen with the notation: ³F/X:.² Also use ³M.O.S.,² ³ND Car,² and ³76 E.P.S. wherever you can.
37. Divide your screenplay into acts.
38. Write a script that is fewer than 80 pages or more than 140 pages,especially if you have never sold a script. Kill 'em with volume.
39. Format your screenplay in 12 characters to the inch pitch. Standout by using a font other than Courier 12.
40. Pepper you work with grammatical errors.
41. Ditto with bad syntax.
42. Make errors of definition. (i.e. (Use ³their² for ³there,² ³shakeshis head² when the character means ³no,² use ³their² for ³they're,² and ³your² for ³you're.²)
43. Don't worry about spelling errors and typos.
44. Use a dot matrix printer.
45. Use a special printed cover imprinted with a logo or map orsomething.
46. Use special binders such a spiral, glued, custom folders, etc.Readers love this.
47. Let characters talk to themselves aloud as an expositional device.
48. Turn your script in with pages containing coffee stains to showhow hard you worked.
49. Overwrite. Drown the reader in a blizzard of words. (i.e. ³We ZOOMIN on a farmhouse. A quiet, pastoral scene. Smoke curls from a redbrick chimney, cows laze in the fields. It is early morning, the sun just peeking its head over magnificent Iowa mountains in the distance. A clear, spring day. White lace curtains wave gently back and forth through open windows, where the McCORMACK family sleeps. ROVER, however, is already nosing about the yard, and a RED ROOSTER is just trying to decide whether or not to let loose a blast of the old ***-a-doodle-doo.²) (David's note: The author evidently has never been to Iowa. There are no magnificent mountains in Iowa. That part of the country is not called The Great Plains for nothing.)
50. Enumerate the obvious.
51. Use ³FIND² when it is not a clearly indicated tracking shot toidentify the characters that will dominate a scene.
52. Ask the reader rhetorical questions. (i.e. ³Is this a celebration,or a truce?²)
53. Don't worry about clarity in description. (i.e. ³A cop walks alonghis beat.² This is correct. ³A man is a plainclothes cop.² Incorrect. How do we know he is plainclothes cop? There is nothing on screen that will identify him as such in this description.)
54. Give a police-sketch description of every character.
55. Write what can't be photographed.
56. Give the full name and description of every minor, non-plotcharacter.
57. Add tons of gratuitous camera instructions. Draw attention to thecamera in describing action at every opportunity. (i.e. THE CAMERA ZOOMS down the hallway?)
58. Direct when you write.
59. Overuse the ³moving camera² motif because it looks so ³cool.²
60. Change your p.o.v. in mid-paragraph.
61. Overuse ³ANGLE ON.²
62. Describe a man and what he sees at the same time. (i.e. Wrong -³Dowd is peeking out the door to look at that same man.² Right - ³DOWD is peeking out the door. HIS POV: A MAN sits at the end of a long hall.²)
63. Tell us what we need to know instead of showing us what we need toknow.
64. Assume we know what we can't see on the screen.
65. Write down ideas and metaphors instead of: Write Action. Writereaction. Write dialog.
66. Write a bunch of different actions into one sentence, particularlywhat cannot be visualized. (The Bill Goldman exception rule again applies.)
67. Assume that if it is clear to you, it's clear to the reader.
68. Don't understand where the line between colorful description andpurple prose falls.
69. Give everything away in expository description at the firstopportunity.
70. Spell out exposition so that everyone knows it is exposition.
71. Think in ³three acts² mode when structuring your screenplay.
72. Stick with your first draft because it's good enough.
73. Once you've told the audience, make sure you tell the charactersagain at some point so that they will know what's going on, too.
74. Leave suspense out in the way you tell the story.
75. If you're in trouble, throw in a ton of random surprises to keepthe reader interested.
76. Leave a major issue or point unresolved at the end. (They got awaywith it in ³The Big Sleep², didn't they?)

"The easiest thing to do on earth is not write."
? William Goldman