i would know if my letter it is ok...Please someone helps me!

Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing to apply to your Master program in Finance and Banking. I am very committed a career in finance , therefore, undertaking a Master in Finance would be an essential first step towards my career ambition: working as a trader for an investment bank, asset management firm or hedge funds.
This field fulfills my expectation for a future employment and furthermore my attitude fits with the job requirements. Firstly, because of my tendency and interest in looking at economic situation in a quantitative sight, skill developed by the attendance of my previous bachelor degree in Tor Vergata. It gives me a first approach to Econometrics and financial principles as well as a basic strong statistic knowledge. Secondly for the high will in being informed about the market and his dynamic situation. Thirdly for the attitude and ability to react quickly to changing conditions, a trait of my personality I suppose it will give me an advantage in doing this job.
I keen on quantitative analysis and financial aspects of economics as much as I have taken in my final dissertation on Project finance a chapter with a statistical analyses of the determinants of credit spread in structured finance using Gretl. Moreover, at the end of my three years degree I have noticed a surprisingly interest in quantitative aspect of my field of studying in term of stimulus of understanding the complexity with numbers and find with them a concrete practical solution to the problem. During my undergraduate program in “Economics of Financial Market and Intermediaries” I have had a lot of groups of work and cases of study with other students. In these occasions I have demonstrated a strong skill in coordination between the parties and management of the work, showing a leadership skill. Finally, working in the field of accounting, besides acquiring a practical knowledge in the subject, improves a strong expertise in managing work under stress situation and strengthen my operation with office package.
I would apply to your Finance and Banking course in order to reach my goal. In fact the strong quantitative knowledge, acquiring due to the attendance of this program, will give me a basic numerical as well as theoretical background to perfectly fit the job description of my future employment . At the same time, the integration of both, theoretical and practical aspects, using matlab with day to day update data and the possibility of having an internship, will improve my expertise in order to challenge the competitive world of finance. In addition the international views of the course will give me the opportunity to challenge with international students, enriching my human experience too. Nevertheless, ranked in the top 10% worldwide among Economics Department, the graduation in this course will give me the chance of studying at an important centre of research recognized at global level.
Having reviewed information of this program and the structure of the course, I am confident that the Master’s program of Finance and Banking at the University of Tor Vergata will make me qualified in meeting my future aspirations.
Thank you for considering my application, I look forward for your acceptance.
Sincerely yours,
Riccardo Schiavon