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Sammyjo33 Posted 14 years ago
Letter Writing
What else do i need to make this letter pop.
Dear, Potential Sponsor
Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria and we are youth leaders for St. John the Baptist Catholic Church. God has taken this ministry and us for a ride for the past five years and we have grown to love our church and the activities that come along with it. We are also currently the coach’s of a young adult softball team for our church. Our team name is Yeshua and we play not to win but just to go out and have fun and play for the glory of our god. This team consists of 18 year olds and over.
Here at St. John the Baptist we are currently seeking financial sponsors to help with the sports stage of this young adult ministry. Your financial support will go toward the building of the young adult softball league, and the bettering of God’s Kingdom.
The purpose of this team is to make a significant difference in the lives of people who are in need of the surrounding communities by sharing the love of Christ in sports. As coachs, our most noteworthy goal is to bring more young adults into the church and slowly give them the experience to play not to win but for the Glory of God. Our love for the sport and our God has risen by role models that we grew up with and now more than ever we would to like to give back and be those role models that can show others to be just as strong in their faith, if not strong.
With that, we would like ask your company if they could be generous enough to help us in our venture to make this softball team possible. Together we have been fundraising for upcoming events more than just softball, but our goal still has not been met. Our goal is to raise 1,000 dollars, so that it may help with expenses of the softball fees, transportation, uniforms, and equipment.
Dear, Potential Sponsor
Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria and we are youth leaders for St. John the Baptist Catholic Church. God has taken this ministry and us for a ride for the past five years and we have grown to love our church and the activities that come along with it. We are also currently the coach’s of a young adult softball team for our church. Our team name is Yeshua and we play not to win but just to go out and have fun and play for the glory of our god. This team consists of 18 year olds and over.
Here at St. John the Baptist we are currently seeking financial sponsors to help with the sports stage of this young adult ministry. Your financial support will go toward the building of the young adult softball league, and the bettering of God’s Kingdom.
The purpose of this team is to make a significant difference in the lives of people who are in need of the surrounding communities by sharing the love of Christ in sports. As coachs, our most noteworthy goal is to bring more young adults into the church and slowly give them the experience to play not to win but for the Glory of God. Our love for the sport and our God has risen by role models that we grew up with and now more than ever we would to like to give back and be those role models that can show others to be just as strong in their faith, if not strong.
With that, we would like ask your company if they could be generous enough to help us in our venture to make this softball team possible. Together we have been fundraising for upcoming events more than just softball, but our goal still has not been met. Our goal is to raise 1,000 dollars, so that it may help with expenses of the softball fees, transportation, uniforms, and equipment.
Top answer
I don't know about making it "pop" but I have corrected some mistakes. There is still some awkwardness in several of the sentences, and/or the order of sentences in the last paragraph, and I did not want to fully rewrite it, so I left it as is. Dear Potential Sponsor , Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria , and we are youth leaders for St.
- I don't know about making it "pop" but I have corrected some mistakes.
- There is still some awkwardness in several of the sentences, and/or the order of sentences in the last paragraph, and I did not want to fully rewrite it, so I left it as is.
- Dear Potential Sponsor , Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria , and we are youth leaders for St.
- John the Baptist Catholic Church.
- *** has taken this ministry , and us , for a ride over the past five years , and we have grown to love our church and the activities that come along with it.
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2 Answers
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I don't know about making it "pop" but I have corrected some mistakes. There is still some awkwardness in several of the sentences, and/or the order of sentences in the last paragraph, and I did not want to fully rewrite it, so I left it as is.
Dear Potential Sponsor,
Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria
Dear Potential Sponsor,
Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria
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Dear, Potential Sponsor,
Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria, and we are youth leaders for St. John the Baptist Catholic Church. *** has taken this ministry, and us, for a ride over the past five years and we have grown to love our church and the activities that have come along with it. We are also the coaches of a young adult softball team for our church.
Our names are Samantha Gonzalez and David Longoria, and we are youth leaders for St. John the Baptist Catholic Church. *** has taken this ministry, and us, for a ride over the past five years and we have grown to love our church and the activities that have come along with it. We are also the coaches of a young adult softball team for our church.
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