Please help me correcting my essay.

please could you help me correct my essay??we passed each other's essay in class to find mistakes but no one actually found any major ones...but i'm concerned.... thank you!!

Education is a very powerful weapon against ignorance, and it costs a lot of money when applied in different cultures. So, why even go to school when one cannot afford it? Is it really worth going to school? One of the problems that arise is the cost of school, or simply “education”. Nowadays, a large percentage of the young global population attends public schools, due to the high cost of private schools, the good type of teaching or just to the fact that these schools are kept in good condition. The problem worsens when families are transferred overseas where there are different cultures and the only way of continuing education is to attend private school systems. These systems work fairly well for military families, but turn out to be tortuous for civilian families- making them pay for the same education that other people get for free. One specific system is the Department of Defense Education Activity – also known as the DoDEA system – which helps the young to continue their studies.
This system, which generously provides education to the military family, does not seem to have a large impact on the minor percentage, which has to pay thousands of dollars in order to keep kids in school. The most interesting thing is that this minority – also known as “civilians” – does similar jobs as the military. I personally agree with the idea that the military has the right to gain more advantages and opportunities than the other citizens, but I feel uncomfortable with the fact that civilians, even though they follow similar orders and tasks, are not recognized so they do not get any type of privileges.
Some people justify this fact saying that the military works for the whole nation, but guess what? Whom do civilians work for? Companies that work for the government. And for whom does the government work? Us, the People, the nation! So basically, following some unknown Greek philosophical rule, civilians DO work for the nation but yet do not get free school tuition, do not get paid medical healthcare programs, do not have paid housings, end etc…
In my opinion, I strongly believe that is unfair – from DoDEA’s point of view – to discriminate a quite large quantity of people, instead of providing support and opportunities for the better development of our country.