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Anders Posted 23 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
I would like some feedback on this short article
THE SATURDAY NIGHT MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN
So it happened again. Early Sunday morning the body of a young man was found in a garbage can in London’s East End. The woman who discovered the body was throwing some garbage when she spotted a hand in the garbage can. She was scared stiff and phoned the police at once.
The coroner thinks that the man died about 11 p.m. Saturday night. It is not clear for how long the body had been in the garbage can or where the man was killed. The police does not know how the man died. There are no signs of injury and the autopsy showed that the man was by good health.
There are many similarities between this man’s death and the previous two murders in the East End: Both were commited on Saturdays and the bodies were found in garbage cans. When asked whether there are any connections between these three murders, the London police chief, Adam Jones, answers that the deaths have much in common and that the men may have been killed by the same man. These statements may mean what many Londoners have feared since the second murder: We may have a serial killer in our midst!
The victims have all been young men of about twenty-five, all the victims were found in garbage cans, and the actual cause of death remains a mystery in all three cases. A lot of people living in the East End are now afraid of going outside, especially on Saturdays. A man we met on the street told us that he has stopped talking to strangers, he does not trust anyone, and when he leaves his home, he always carries a knife.
The police wants everyone who may have seen or heard anything of interest to contact them, they need all the assistance they can get.
So it happened again. Early Sunday morning the body of a young man was found in a garbage can in London’s East End. The woman who discovered the body was throwing some garbage when she spotted a hand in the garbage can. She was scared stiff and phoned the police at once.
The coroner thinks that the man died about 11 p.m. Saturday night. It is not clear for how long the body had been in the garbage can or where the man was killed. The police does not know how the man died. There are no signs of injury and the autopsy showed that the man was by good health.
There are many similarities between this man’s death and the previous two murders in the East End: Both were commited on Saturdays and the bodies were found in garbage cans. When asked whether there are any connections between these three murders, the London police chief, Adam Jones, answers that the deaths have much in common and that the men may have been killed by the same man. These statements may mean what many Londoners have feared since the second murder: We may have a serial killer in our midst!
The victims have all been young men of about twenty-five, all the victims were found in garbage cans, and the actual cause of death remains a mystery in all three cases. A lot of people living in the East End are now afraid of going outside, especially on Saturdays. A man we met on the street told us that he has stopped talking to strangers, he does not trust anyone, and when he leaves his home, he always carries a knife.
The police wants everyone who may have seen or heard anything of interest to contact them, they need all the assistance they can get.
Top answer
The police does not know how the man died. ' It's well written but a little 'staggered'; the flow seems to be frequently interrupted. You may need to find new ways to start each sentence..
- The police does not know how the man died.
- ' It's well written but a little 'staggered'; the flow seems to be frequently interrupted.
- You may need to find new ways to start each sentence..
- "One man told us he's stopped talking to strangers, and has even resorted to carrying a knife when leaving the house.
- '***' police force are asking anyone with any information to contact them immediately.
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2 Answers
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The police does not know how the man died.
Should be 'police do..'
It's well written but a little 'staggered'; the flow seems to be frequently interrupted. You may need to find new ways to start each sentence..
"One man told us he's stopped talking to strangers, and has even resorted to carrying a knife when leaving the house. '***' police f
00
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