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Pieter Posted 23 years ago

Corrected haiku

You'll enjoy me once
as a coffee bean is smelt
in a powder form
  

Top answer

The imaginery is actually a bit confusing. "smelt"? powder form?

  • The imaginery is actually a bit confusing.
  • "smelt"?
  • powder form?
  • What is it exactly you want to say point out?
  • You meant the odour of fresh ground coffee.
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2 Answers
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The imaginery is actually a bit confusing. "smelt"? powder form? What is it exactly you want to say point out? You meant the odour of fresh ground coffee. Definitely, not my favourite.
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Nor mine. The first line seems too cutesy; the passive voice in the second line dulls its edge; and the third line doesn't really relate logically to the line before it, so the reader is left confused.
Wow, I'm really Miss Insult-A-Poem today. It's kind of funny that I'm so critical of other people's poetry, because I really can't write myself. Oh well... hypocrisy is fun.

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