Nor mine. The first line seems too cutesy; the passive voice in the second line dulls its edge; and the third line doesn't really relate logically to the line before it, so the reader is left confused.
Wow, I'm really Miss Insult-A-Poem today. It's kind of funny that I'm so critical of other people's poetry, because I really can't write myself. Oh well... hypocrisy is fun.