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Molotov Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Can any one help me edit my intro (NEWBIE)
The topic question that I have to answer is "write an essay that analyzes the extent to which zero tolerance policies should be implemented at school"
This is my intro:
School violence has been around for many years. Back in the 1950’s and 1960’s when discrimination was around, white people fought against colored people. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, gangs were also fighting for no reason. As timed pass, these crimes were getting out of hand. But in the mid 1990’s, educators wanted to put a stop to all this violence. In 1994 the “Gun-Free Schools Act of 1994,” was implemented which allowed schools to expel students for one year, if they bring a firearm to school campus. Educators decided to expand the Act of 1994 by implementing Zero Tolerance for any behavior that could cause violence. Some of these behaviors included acting violence such playing cops and robbers as mentioned in “One Strike and You’re Out Zero-Tolerance Policies Catch Some Students by Surprise,” by Greg Kane. Other behaviors included bringing drugs to school campus and carrying objects that could be use as weapons. Students were not following school policies anymore. With the implementation of the Zero Tolerance educators were going to change student’s behavior. On the other hand educators should know that the expulsion of a student could negatively influence their future. Some students could be hurt by being punish inadequately. Students could become criminals if they are not educated at a young age. Zero policies should be implemented to students that commit crimes in school campus.
This is my intro:
School violence has been around for many years. Back in the 1950’s and 1960’s when discrimination was around, white people fought against colored people. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, gangs were also fighting for no reason. As timed pass, these crimes were getting out of hand. But in the mid 1990’s, educators wanted to put a stop to all this violence. In 1994 the “Gun-Free Schools Act of 1994,” was implemented which allowed schools to expel students for one year, if they bring a firearm to school campus. Educators decided to expand the Act of 1994 by implementing Zero Tolerance for any behavior that could cause violence. Some of these behaviors included acting violence such playing cops and robbers as mentioned in “One Strike and You’re Out Zero-Tolerance Policies Catch Some Students by Surprise,” by Greg Kane. Other behaviors included bringing drugs to school campus and carrying objects that could be use as weapons. Students were not following school policies anymore. With the implementation of the Zero Tolerance educators were going to change student’s behavior. On the other hand educators should know that the expulsion of a student could negatively influence their future. Some students could be hurt by being punish inadequately. Students could become criminals if they are not educated at a young age. Zero policies should be implemented to students that commit crimes in school campus.
Top answer
Hi, An introduction should 'introduce' your overall opinons and approach to discussing the topic. You can then develop these in more detail in later paragraphs. Most of this introduction is taken up by a history of the zero tolerance policy.
- Hi, An introduction should 'introduce' your overall opinons and approach to discussing the topic.
- You can then develop these in more detail in later paragraphs.
- Most of this introduction is taken up by a history of the zero tolerance policy.
- If this history is indeed relevant to your discussion, I suggest that you move it to a paragraph that follows your introduction.
- Why don't you make some revisions, and post a second draft?
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1 Answers
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Hi,
An introduction should 'introduce' your overall opinons and approach to discussing the topic. You can then develop these in more detail in later paragraphs.
Most of this introduction is taken up by a history of the zero tolerance policy. If this history is indeed relevant to your discussion, I suggest that you move it to a paragraph that follows your introduction.
W
An introduction should 'introduce' your overall opinons and approach to discussing the topic. You can then develop these in more detail in later paragraphs.
Most of this introduction is taken up by a history of the zero tolerance policy. If this history is indeed relevant to your discussion, I suggest that you move it to a paragraph that follows your introduction.
W
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